Wicked Falls

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Wicked, wicked, little man

your fingers creep on tortured skin,

Tracing the scars of the damned

with no regard for innocence.

Wicked, wicked, little man

wilting flowers in full bloom,

Terrorizing the nights with silver daggers,

While howling at the moon.

Wicked, wicked, little man

-you’ve come too soon-

Departing from your midnight scowl

with spells of scorched tears.

Wicked, wicked, little man –

creeping. crawling. demolishing,

Diana’s sheltered Moon.

Hunting the huntress

as she descends upon the Earth

to kiss her children’s wounds.

Wicked, wicked, little man

You forget the power of the new moon.

The cloudless nights put up a fight

to forsake your muculent drool.

The desolate are saved

by the luminous bow of Artemis,

no longer ambushed by the wicked little man-

for he is now just a  ruined, little man.


A Mother’s Thirst

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The pain keeps on growing

As I keep on groaning

At the horrible state that I’m in.

But I must persevere,

For my children will fear

The day my surface disappears.

My attempts to fight back

Have caused quite a crack

So, you must pardon me, my dear,

For my systems are failing,

And you will go sailing

Because you wouldn’t help me,

My dear.


Friendships That Work

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As we get older, we are told that we will lose friends, but I would like to counter and say that we amass friendships that better our souls. I’ve gone through the stage where I have surrounded myself with people who were just acquaintances, and that is a lonely place to be. I was discouraging relationships that impacted me in a positive way for one’s that made me feel like the popular girl (which was not the case from k-12). I lost myself in my please-everybody stage because I did not like myself. I hated who I was because of my past and I felt like everybody could sense that I would end up like my mother. I thought my closest friends could sense that I was useless and damned for a life of eternal poverty.

I grew up poor in friendships because I made it that way. 

I did not want them to see me because I wanted to be invisible (I just didn’t know that at the time). I pushed the people who cared about me away because I did not want them to know that I was a loser who was destined to fail. I felt this every day, and I let the thought consume me. I was a feast for my own negativity and my friends could only hope to pick up the crumbs.

Well, the feast is over and I am proud to admit that I am not a loser. I was. But now I am not. I cannot sit here and say that I suddenly realized that I wasn’t a loser, and the weight of the world was off my shoulder as if some mystical being waved his wand and cured me of my own sickness. I was a loser because I started to become the person I hated – and it was my own fault. I realized that I was fulfilling a prophecy that only I had created in my mind.

That prophecy never came true because I decided to change my behavior. I talk to my friends (some more than others) and have started to depend on myself. I got here by:

  • Reconnecting with my friends (shout out to Ozge at Memoallure.com)
    • She saved me back in middle school and she saved me again. Ozge was disappointed in me for awhile because I pushed her away, but she took me back and we are the exact same. She is part of the reason that I am writing this today.
  • Finding my spirituality
    • I’ve come to accept that there is something bigger than me, but I find myself in Wicca. I’m an environmentalist and I needed something that helped me understand why nature was such a big component in my life. I am not going to shy away from who I am because I fear what others think. My friends will love me no matter who / what my god is.
  • Making mistakes
    • Do I still care what people think? Of course, I do. But I put myself and my loved ones first. Mistakes have shaped my past and my present, and they will certainly define my future. I am no longer afraid of messing up because I have friends who are there for me. They remind me that it’s okay to not be perfect. Talking to my friends, like Ozge, has helped reshape how I think about myself because I stand-up for what I want and I’m not afraid to fail.
  • By Being Afraid
    • Fear can stop you from growing, but it is also a sign of change. I allow myself to be afraid because if I am not, then that means I am not improving myself. Accepting my emotions has truly helped to redefine myself and helped me gain control over the prophecy I tried to make come true. Damn that prophecy to the hell it deserves because fear is Negativity’s way of challenging you.

So, yes we lose friends, but in reality, they weren’t meant to be our friends. Losing friends isn’t this sad occurrence that shows how old we have gotten. It’s the art of letting go and focusing your attention on salvaging relationships.

Salvage relationships that mean something to you because they are the soil, the shade, and the light to your blossoming bud.


Reforming Chaos : The Summer of Kelsie

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I was crazy. I was lost. I was scared. But that is not who I am. Today, I am a writer, an environmentalist, and a journalist. I’ve been lucky enough to have help in the reformation of my chaos by finding a family that welcomed me into their home and gave me the sanity that I’ve been looking for.

I grew up in a household that was constant chaos and imperfection. My world felt plagued by violent fights, drug addicts, and alcoholics. I’ve found that by never giving up on hope, I have been blessed with my own Disney fairytale. Success has not come to me in the way that movies portray, but I have found my own little peace (on purpose) of heaven right here in Massachusetts.

I have been going to college for 4 years, I have been working since I was 14, and I have been fighting with a mental illness for as long as I can remember. Now, I have the summer of 17′ off to find myself and hopefully inspire others to do the same. I hesitated far too long to start my quest for self-love, but because of hope and stumbling upon a family who loves me, I can finish the mental horror movie that has caused me to relinquish my psyche.

I am no longer cusping the bridge of insanity. My life has begun and I am lucky to begin the next chapter of my happy ending.